Accepting Change

For the past two days, I have been thinking constantly about my kid, "Mickey" (not his real name). As the beginning of April, I will not be taking his case anymore and will be handing it over to another therapist.

I guided Mickey since the day my training ended. I still remember the day when my supervisors announced that I will be taking him, I kept questioning myself, who is Mickey? I have never overlapped this boy's session before and I am taking him (because most therapists have hinted that there will be higher chance of getting the kid you've overlapped before)! I was quite curious and worried at the same time, as I do not know what to expect of this kid. All sorts of questions were running in my mind, e.g. how does he look like? how is his personality like? and etc. But when I first saw him, all questions were halted. He was the sweetest boy I've ever seen! His face is always smiling all the time; whenever you see him, all your problems/ worries would go away! :)

Few weeks ago, my supervisor approached me saying she has an important matter that needed to be discussed. She told me that Little D will be going full day starting April and I will be loosing either Little D or Mickey. I was so upset when she told me the news, what's worst is I had to make a choice as to whom I wanted to continue teaching. I was in dilemma for a few days, not sure who should I choose. But after much consideration, I decided to choose Little D over Mickey. Reason? My centre focuses on ABA therapy (Discrete Trial Training). The approach of teaching Mickey was different as he required less of DTT; this was not the case for Little D as he requires DTT to learn. And so to improve my skill in DTT, I decided to continue with Little D.

Recently, my colleagues realised that I was leaving Mickey's team. One colleague of mine commented that I was "apathetic", showing no feelings towards leaving Mickey. What he doesn't know is that I was upset over the matter weeks ago, plus choosing between the two of them was not easy for me because I sayang them both and will not want to leave anyone of them. I chose not to show my feelings at work because I want to show professionalism; professional in handling the situation by accepting change. Besides, change is good. If we were to stick with the same thing, we'll never get to learn and experience new things. But I will miss teaching this little guy, and I really hope this new therapist would teach and guide him well!

Anyway, looking forward towards the new changes!

Flo

Sticks and Stones

A few weeks ago, as I was surfing the web, I came across this video "To this day... for the bullied and beautiful" through TED talk. In this video, Shane Koyczan tells a powerful story of bullying and survival through his poem. When I first watch the video, my emotions were all over the place; I literally teared while watching it as I could relate myself to what he was expressing.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me"

Well, I wish I had that kind of mentality but I didn't. Those words hurt so bad as though I was stabbed continuously.

Yes, I was a victim of bullying (mostly verbally abuse). It all started when I was in my first year of secondary school. I couldn't remember how the bullying begin, but I remember standing up for myself, arguing back with those bullies in hopes of them leaving me alone. However, the bullying did not stop and it became worst; they kept picking on me until the end of form 4. Looking back, I really regret giving reactions to those bullies as I've learned that I should have ignore their doings so that they won't get out anything from it.

Those four years were a real torture. Imagine yourself walking across the hallway, and a bunch of guys calling you "ugly" from every corner. I faced that almost every single day. They even called me names while I was in a running competition, and also while I was collecting my medal on stage. How annoying is that?! The worst was the time when I was having lunch together with my friend in the cafeteria, they took the ice from their drinks and threw at us from a distance. At that time, I was really mad; I wanted to shout at them for being immature but I didn't, I couldn't as it was just me against them, "the gangsters". I had no choice but to be calm and continue with my lunch.

The bullying affected me dearly throughout those years. It made me felt weak and lowered my self-esteem. I was depressed all the time, and it created a mind set in which the whole world was against me and no one was there to support me in any way. Thankfully, I have supportive parents and close friends around me, helping me fight through the battles everyday. And to this day, I've achieved many things in life despite going through that hardship.

My current goal is to continue with my studies, specializing in clinical psychology. I want to provide assistance to those people in need especially children who were bullied and also the bullies themselves, helping them to overcome whatever problems they face in life. Besides, to come up with an effective prevention approach of bullying and implement it in schools. It may seem hard for me to succeed but I will try my very best.

To those who were once bullied and reading this post, remember you are not alone. Many of us were once in that same position as you. Stay strong and show those bullies what you are capable of! And remember you are beautiful just the way you are. :)


Flo