A dream I wish will come true one day.

So it's the school holidays! And being Little Miss Introvert, I enjoy spending my days just being at home, lying around and doing my own business.

The weather has been really bad this week; the temperature was hanging around 35 - 37 degrees, another words, freaking hot! I feel so sweaty all the time! Sigh, it makes me appreciate winter even more! Well, in this kind of weather, I am very likely to take afternoon naps. This afternoon, I had a wonderful dream. A dream I wish will come true one day.

I dreamt about this little girl who I am currently guiding at the centre. I'll call her "Boo" for the purpose of this blog. She's 5 this year, and could only make random sounds to request for things, help, and etc. In my dream, I was dreaming about my session with Boo. I don't know for what reason I decided to try out verbal imitation program with her.

"Boo, copy xxx (xxx is my team-mate's name, and also Boo's other therapist)" 
"xxx"  

I was shocked that she said it accurately, too shocked that I woke up from that dream. *Note: I was still dreaming at that time as I was dreaming in my dream*. And the dream brought me back to the centre. I couldn't remember what I was doing then but I saw Boo walking towards my direction. She pulled my blouse to seek my attention, and she blurted out "I want water"in a shaky tone. I remember feeling so happy, so happy that she was able to use her language to communicate what she wants. I quickly gave her the bottle and fed her. That was the end of the dream.

The dream was so vivid and seemed very real. So real that I was confused whether it was really happening at the moment or it was just a dream. But I really hope some day she could at least speak a few words to express what she wants. For the past few months, my team mate and I have been focusing on her making the sound 'O' for open. So whenever she wants us to open the door, she will need to make that particular sound in order for us to open it. At the initial stages, we accepted sounds that are close to 'O'. Then, we increase our expectation. Just last week, as I was sending her out to her grandparents, she made a very clear 'O'! I was like OMG! I even turn to my team mate to confirm whether she heard the same! So proud of her!

Can't wait to go back next week to see my kids! Hopefully after the break they'll come back in a good mood as next week is consultation week! Yiks!

Till then!
Flo

Run like there's no tomorrow

Running may be perceived by many as merely a sport, however, to me, I perceived it to be something more than that; Running is my life, it is part of my identity.

When I was younger, my dad would take me and my younger sister for jogs every weekends. He would challenge us by taking long and hilly routes; though every run was really tiring, it was worth it as I got better in it. I remember there was one time we were jogging in this secluded area; my dad and sister were running ahead of me, I stopped as something caught my attention. I looked up to this "cliff" and I saw many wild dogs lying there, including little puppies. They were just too cute! I remember gaining their attention by calling out to them, hoping the cute puppies will come down and say hello. Well, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Two fierce ones came down instead and chased after me! At that point in time, I was scared and shocked, didn't know what to do, but my body was like "RUN FLO RUN!!!" and so I did. I managed to run to my dad in time, and he took a long stick and shoo them away. I did not develop any fear/ phobia of dogs that day but I was very proud of my running, the every weekend run paid off. Running actually save my life!

During my secondary years, I was quite active in sports. I participated in sports like Javelin throw, shot put, high jump and long jump. Racing was still something I love doing, and something I was good at. I took part in various races, such as 100m, 200m, 400m, 4x100m, 4x400m, 800m, 1500m, and 3000m. I love it when the crowd cheered my name and encouraging me to keep going! Besides, it was something to look forward to despite having to face those bullies every single day.

I stopped running when I started college as I had loads of stuff to do. Same goes to uni life. However, I started running again during my fourth year, as I find it therapeutic; it helps relieve the stress I faced. Moreover, I had a group of awesome friends I get to jog with. I really miss our weekly jogs people!!

This year, I took the courage to sign up for Standard Chartered KL Marathon - women's 10 km run. To be frank, I am quite worried for this challenge as I have never attempted 10km before and this will be my very first time! But I have been training "intensively", so hopeful I am able to get through this! 123 days to go!

Thank you papa for helping me to build interests in running! I really appreciate it loads! I will not stop running! :)

Flo

June please be good.

May has been an eventful month; some days were good and some days were just bad.

But thankfully I was able to pull myself up and go through the bad days. 

I really hope the month of June will be a good one! :)

Flo

Was it real or just my fantasy?

There was this scene from "How I met your mother" where Ted and Robin made a pact, a marriage pact. Telling each other that if both of them turn 40 and still single, they would marry each other. 

I don't know why, but I have this memory that I have actually made this same pact with you. Kinda frustrating as I'm not sure whether this actually happened or it was just a false memory (I guess I projected you and me in Ted's and Robin's shoes?). I can't just text you to confirm this as it would be pretty weird; plus, if I ever ask you about this, there's a high probability you'll never speak to me ever again! Haha! Nevertheless, I miss you friend! I miss every good memories we had together! IF that pact was real, and both of us are still single at the age of 40, I will cheers to that! :) 

Flo

 

Accepting Change

For the past two days, I have been thinking constantly about my kid, "Mickey" (not his real name). As the beginning of April, I will not be taking his case anymore and will be handing it over to another therapist.

I guided Mickey since the day my training ended. I still remember the day when my supervisors announced that I will be taking him, I kept questioning myself, who is Mickey? I have never overlapped this boy's session before and I am taking him (because most therapists have hinted that there will be higher chance of getting the kid you've overlapped before)! I was quite curious and worried at the same time, as I do not know what to expect of this kid. All sorts of questions were running in my mind, e.g. how does he look like? how is his personality like? and etc. But when I first saw him, all questions were halted. He was the sweetest boy I've ever seen! His face is always smiling all the time; whenever you see him, all your problems/ worries would go away! :)

Few weeks ago, my supervisor approached me saying she has an important matter that needed to be discussed. She told me that Little D will be going full day starting April and I will be loosing either Little D or Mickey. I was so upset when she told me the news, what's worst is I had to make a choice as to whom I wanted to continue teaching. I was in dilemma for a few days, not sure who should I choose. But after much consideration, I decided to choose Little D over Mickey. Reason? My centre focuses on ABA therapy (Discrete Trial Training). The approach of teaching Mickey was different as he required less of DTT; this was not the case for Little D as he requires DTT to learn. And so to improve my skill in DTT, I decided to continue with Little D.

Recently, my colleagues realised that I was leaving Mickey's team. One colleague of mine commented that I was "apathetic", showing no feelings towards leaving Mickey. What he doesn't know is that I was upset over the matter weeks ago, plus choosing between the two of them was not easy for me because I sayang them both and will not want to leave anyone of them. I chose not to show my feelings at work because I want to show professionalism; professional in handling the situation by accepting change. Besides, change is good. If we were to stick with the same thing, we'll never get to learn and experience new things. But I will miss teaching this little guy, and I really hope this new therapist would teach and guide him well!

Anyway, looking forward towards the new changes!

Flo

Sticks and Stones

A few weeks ago, as I was surfing the web, I came across this video "To this day... for the bullied and beautiful" through TED talk. In this video, Shane Koyczan tells a powerful story of bullying and survival through his poem. When I first watch the video, my emotions were all over the place; I literally teared while watching it as I could relate myself to what he was expressing.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me"

Well, I wish I had that kind of mentality but I didn't. Those words hurt so bad as though I was stabbed continuously.

Yes, I was a victim of bullying (mostly verbally abuse). It all started when I was in my first year of secondary school. I couldn't remember how the bullying begin, but I remember standing up for myself, arguing back with those bullies in hopes of them leaving me alone. However, the bullying did not stop and it became worst; they kept picking on me until the end of form 4. Looking back, I really regret giving reactions to those bullies as I've learned that I should have ignore their doings so that they won't get out anything from it.

Those four years were a real torture. Imagine yourself walking across the hallway, and a bunch of guys calling you "ugly" from every corner. I faced that almost every single day. They even called me names while I was in a running competition, and also while I was collecting my medal on stage. How annoying is that?! The worst was the time when I was having lunch together with my friend in the cafeteria, they took the ice from their drinks and threw at us from a distance. At that time, I was really mad; I wanted to shout at them for being immature but I didn't, I couldn't as it was just me against them, "the gangsters". I had no choice but to be calm and continue with my lunch.

The bullying affected me dearly throughout those years. It made me felt weak and lowered my self-esteem. I was depressed all the time, and it created a mind set in which the whole world was against me and no one was there to support me in any way. Thankfully, I have supportive parents and close friends around me, helping me fight through the battles everyday. And to this day, I've achieved many things in life despite going through that hardship.

My current goal is to continue with my studies, specializing in clinical psychology. I want to provide assistance to those people in need especially children who were bullied and also the bullies themselves, helping them to overcome whatever problems they face in life. Besides, to come up with an effective prevention approach of bullying and implement it in schools. It may seem hard for me to succeed but I will try my very best.

To those who were once bullied and reading this post, remember you are not alone. Many of us were once in that same position as you. Stay strong and show those bullies what you are capable of! And remember you are beautiful just the way you are. :)


Flo 

It's just one of those days...

How I wish there's a BATHTUB right now! I just want to lay inside it, soak myself with warm water, close my eyes and don't give a damn about anything. I really need that peace of mind.